Letting go..

Climbing up the those stone steps

with her behind me.

Listening to that familiar litany of how I’m not this

and I need to do that and

I’m just not good enough,

Mother wit is toxic waste.

Acid insults are shooting out and

burning painfully against my back.

Making the child in me feel like nothing

again.

Those slippery stone steps

covered with the last remnants of ice.

Impeding the progression to the hell

lying in wait inside.

She’s behind me and she’s feeble.

Her balance isn’t what it used to be.

I hear her struggling but I don’t turn around.

She’s losing her grip as she’s calling my name.

I turn to see her fingers slipping from the rail.

Everything’s has slowed down now.

I grab her hand before her fall.

She looks up at me; in gratitude I hope.

But a scowl meets my face instead.

“Help me” she shouts and she starts to curse me.

Degradations of the past start to

run through my mind.

My grip is not so sure now.

Ruined birthdays and miserable holidays.

All decorated with guilt, depression, and anger.

Screaming breakfasts and silent dinners.

My head is pounding now.

I take another look into that face.

Searching for something to love.

Hoping that’s there’s at least one thing

worth saving at least.

She’s teetering with my fingers

acting as a bridge between life and death.

Why am I wasting time?

My mind should be made up by now.

Besides, it’s really cold

and Mother is so old…

So I Let Go.

Shanghai-ed

Another big tournament in the endless ATP season is over and Nikolay Davydenko is the champion. He defeated Rafael Nadal in straight sets, but that was only a small part of the story of this week’s tourney. Unfortunately, the nine retirements were. Nadal breezed into the final because 2 of his opponents retired during their matches. Unusual? coincidental? I don’t think so. Until the ATP gets serious about placing the health and well being of its players first, this is going to happen more and more often.

But back to the match for a sec. Give it up to Agassi-Lite, he played well all week by permanently setting up real estate on the baseline and by playing consistent, error free tennis. It works. It works well. Rafa to his credit, managed to keep the first set close, but once again couldn’t capitalize on the break point opportunities given to him. I’m positive that will all come in time. This was his second tournament back from yet another injury and a final appearance is pretty good. At least that’s what he said. I’ll take his word for it instead of the Doomy McGloomers infecting the media and internet. ”Rafa’s Slumping” and ”Nadal’s lost his moxie” are sure to appear in the headlines next week, but I’m going to ignore all of that. He’s still #2 in the world. He’s the Aussie Open champion, and he’s an all around awesome person. Whatever he needs to work on, he will. That’s all we can ask and that’s all we should expect.

Besides, it could have been a lot worse. He could have been sitting at home watching the tourney like Wawarinka, Monfils, Roddick, Haas, Ljubicic, Lopez, Del Potro, and Zverev. Knock on wood.

Rushed and Rammed

It seems that Big Rush Limbaugh isn’t satisfied with spreading his bile over the airwaves on a daily basis. Now he wants to become a NFL owner. It’s been reported that Limbaugh is interested in purchasing the woeful St. Louis Rams franchise and my goodness has the poo been flying. There are some that say he should be able to buy a team. I mean, it’s capitalism as it is at work; those that have money should buy what they want. There are others who say that Limbaugh has no business getting involved with professional sports, specifically a sport were 70% of the athletes are black based on his past statements.

I am on the side of those who are like, ” No way, no how”.  There’s something about Limbaugh being in a position to buy and trade black flesh that makes me sick to my stomach. He may see it as a purely money making venture, but I can’t help but think he could use his position to create some sick social experiment. Besides, I don’t know any African American player with even a smidgen of pride who would play for him, regardless of what Stephen A. Smith says.

And let’s talk about Mr. Smith for a minute. Oh, this dude is so making  HBCUs look bad right now. Mr. Smith is convinced that those black athletes who are vowing not to play under a Limbaugh regime are on some bullshit because he feels anyone with a lot of melanin and who plays pro football can be bought. Great, just what people need: A fresh dose of cynicism to muddle the debate over what’s truly right and what’s truly wrong. Hacks like Smith are the reason why I can barely tolerate sports journalism now. It’s nothing more than an exercise in projection. These so called commentators foolishly wax poetic about the glory days of the sport all the while barely disgusting their contempt for the athletes who play it. Their smugness and the obsession for getting the “controversy behind the story”, makes for interesting by lines and not much else.  So, Smith hoeing himself out to anyone who will listen because he’s guaranteed to say something controversial provides little insight into this issue.

This issue simply is this: Limbaugh is an asshole. There are NFL owners who are assholes. However, Limbaugh’s assholery isn’t limited to the world of sports. He’s has managed to offend nearly every living person representing nearly every group on this planet. The question is does the dominant sports franchise in the United States need Limbaugh in the mix? With all the problems within the NFL? Do they DESERVE Limbaugh? My answer is no. Didn’t we learn anything from Marge Schott?

The Laureates of WTF?

Harvard Law Graduate, best selling author, United States Senator, President, Nobel Laureate for Peace. Barack Obama has accomplished more in his 48 years than many. Why is it so damn hard for some folks to acknowledge those accomplishments? The amount of hate is sickening. He is the 3rd African American and the first American sitting President since Woodrow Wilson to win the Nobel Prize. Where’s the pride? Seriously.

The Republican’s response included trotting out Chairman Michael Steele who declared that Obama didn’t deserve the award. The Right’s reaction sank to even lower levels with various pundits and internet warriors stating that they agreed with the Taliban and that Obama should give the award back. The most egregious statement was that Obama’s win was the result of an affirmative action quota. This, from the people who claim to love America so much?

My God, what is wrong with these people? Once again, folks from other countries are showing more love towards our President than people living right here. Even those on The Left were sniping. I’m just so done. If it matters, I’m proud and happy. Even though I have disagreed with some of PBO’s policies, I think his winning the Nobel Prize is freakin’ awesome. I’m encouraged to follow the President’s call for action for peace. Lord knows we need it–especially right here in the good ol’ U.S.A.

uh serena…

When you finally earn the number #1 rank back, you’re supposed to WIN!

Do better in Doha girlfriend, the haters are already salivating.

Speaking of which ESPN’s Abigail Lorge can kick rocks. The U.S Open is old news, she needs to move the hell on. It’s disgusting to see how some in the media and the blogosphere want to see people suffer.

Ugh!