Letting go..

Climbing up the those stone steps

with her behind me.

Listening to that familiar litany of how I’m not this

and I need to do that and

I’m just not good enough,

Mother wit is toxic waste.

Acid insults are shooting out and

burning painfully against my back.

Making the child in me feel like nothing

again.

Those slippery stone steps

covered with the last remnants of ice.

Impeding the progression to the hell

lying in wait inside.

She’s behind me and she’s feeble.

Her balance isn’t what it used to be.

I hear her struggling but I don’t turn around.

She’s losing her grip as she’s calling my name.

I turn to see her fingers slipping from the rail.

Everything’s has slowed down now.

I grab her hand before her fall.

She looks up at me; in gratitude I hope.

But a scowl meets my face instead.

“Help me” she shouts and she starts to curse me.

Degradations of the past start to

run through my mind.

My grip is not so sure now.

Ruined birthdays and miserable holidays.

All decorated with guilt, depression, and anger.

Screaming breakfasts and silent dinners.

My head is pounding now.

I take another look into that face.

Searching for something to love.

Hoping that’s there’s at least one thing

worth saving at least.

She’s teetering with my fingers

acting as a bridge between life and death.

Why am I wasting time?

My mind should be made up by now.

Besides, it’s really cold

and Mother is so old…

So I Let Go.