the passion of the poverty pimp

The story hit the media like a sonic boom. Four young men filed suit against Bishop Eddie Long, pastor of the twenty-five thousand member New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Georgia. The men claimed that Long coerced them into sexual relationships after showering them with clothing, free trips, and electronics. Most people were shocked, others not so much. I mean, we’ve heard the story before. An influential pastor in charge of a huge fundamentalist congregation gets caught playing hide the sausage with one his parishioners. The only difference this time was that Eddie Long is African-American and New Birth is one of the biggest black churches in the nation.

But once you get over that difference, what’s being reported to have allegedly happened isn’t new at all. Black folks have known for a very long time that something wrong has been brewing within the sanctuaries of black mega-churches. The community at large has been exposed to rampant homophobia, sexism, and financial impropriety and it’s shameful. Even more shameful that these churches are more popular than ever. The Exclusionary Gospel Of Prosperity has taken a frightening hold over modern theology. It’s disgraceful.

And Bishop Eddie Long is one of the biggest perpetrators. Now when this story first hit, there were only two suits filed. I was still a bit iffy, but when numbers three and four were filed, I was like, “Something in the communion wine definitely ain’t clean”. I was even more disgusted by the sanctimonious responses from other Christians. “We need to pray for Bishop Long and his family” and, “Some of you all have fallen short of the glory, it’s just that your dirt isn’t on front street.” Yeah, whatever with all that. Even the Bishop himself during his petulant and smarmy speech this morning admonished those who were “lost” to come to the altar for prayer. Excuse me Bishop Lacefront, I’m not the one being accused of passing out iPADS for ass, okay? Maybe you need to try a little less projection and a little more humility. I guess I’m asking for too much though.

I mean you have a whole lot more to lose than me. I can see how you wouldn’t want to let go of the reins of your empire. I saw the pictures of your palatial estate. I’ve seen you wearing those shiny suits and sporting that sparkly jewelry. I’ve also heard you preach intolerance of gays ,the subjugation of women, and the love of money. The poor nose-led followers of your flock have responded to your perversion of the gospel by throwing themselves and their cash at your feet. But now some of the chickens are coming home to roost at the feet of the poverty pimp.

I really don’t care if this makes me sound mean or judgmental. To heck with all the guilty until proven innocent crap. Even if Bishop Muscle Shirt manages to worm his way out of this situation, he still has a whole lot to answer for.

number one and done

As Day 5 of the Open closed, the upsets seemed to get bigger and bigger. First, Melanie Oudin and her magic shoes took out Maria Sharapova. John Isner then beat number 5 seed Andy Roddick. After that Petra Kvitova defeated the number 1 women’s player.

First, Ms. Oudin vs. Ms. Sharapova or the lightwight vs. the glamazon. If one went by history only, all bets would have been on Sharapova. She’s a former champion, she’s mentally tough, she’s got the big forehand, the serve…okay, maybe not the serve. Since her shoulder surgery last year, Sharapova has changed her serve motion in order to relieve the strain on it. Unfortunately, she hasn’t adapted well and her service games are plauged with double faults. Sharapova is a player whose game revolves around the serve. If it isn’t effective, the rest of her play tends to suffer. During the match with Oudin, Sharapova served a staggering 21 double faults. Oudin had her own serving woes and the match became more of test to see who could hold serve consistently. It was definitely an error filled affair of the running wounded.  Oudin was sporting a heavily bandaged thigh and Sharapova calling the trainer to get some relief for a sore shoulder. Regardless, Oudin played gutsy and fearless tennis. Her march through the Championships is one of the best stories so far. Go USA!

In the battle of to big serving Americans, the biggest managed to pull out a tough 5 set victory. John Isner is 6’6, all arms and legs and rocket serves. Not known to be the fittest player on the tour, Isner shocked everyone-including Andy Roddick by hanging tough and fighting through that last set tie-breaker. It’s often been speculated that Roddick is still haunted by his Wimbledon loss. That could very well be the case as to why he’s lost so many close contests afterwards, but give credit to Isner for showing no fear and sticking to his guns. Go USA..again!

And the third upset of the night..Well, what more needs to be said? The top ranked woman, playing craptacular tennis finally gets bounced consequently ending her misery and ours. Apparently, she was pissed because her match was moved from Ashe Stadium to Louis Armstrong so that the fans could see James Blake stumble out of the Championships. That sucks, the USTA sucks, that much is known. Champions however, roll with the punches and do what they have to do. Being pissed is no excuse for losing, especially when you had 3 match points. Shit is tough: The USTA screws up your court assignment, everyone is on your back about losing a major, your knee hurts, your retired brother gets more respect than you do…cry me a river, heifer and play better.

Moving right along…

Federer dismissed Hewitt in 4. Even with some really scratchy play, he was never really in an danger of losing. Hewitt showed moments of his old brilliance but time and the evolution of the game proved to be too much to overcome. Novak Djokovic put out Jesse Witten’s flame but not without a few racket tosses and chest bumps. Witten was up to the challenge and Novak seemed very tentative. Of the big big 4, he might be the most vulnerable right now. That could change with the next match, but right now I don’t see that his heart is really into trying to this tournament. Verdasco vs. Hass, or as I called it, “the hottie match” was a 5 set exercise in torture, but Verdasco moves on. Sam Querry, the men’s U.S Open series winner falls to the Swede who shall not be named…no bonus for him.

Two ladies who haven’t gotten a great deal of attention but who have been playing well are Caroline Wozniacki and Sveltana Kuznetsova. They are quietly making their way through the draw in dominating fashion. But in week two, either one or both could be make some real noise. Since the number 1 is gone, that entire section has been busted wide open.

So that’s it. Next up is Rafa, Ree, and Vee. Vee’s match with Kim Clijsters could be really interesting.

sell crazy somewhere else because i’m not buying

I just want to go on record as saying that this whole Birther movement is a crock of poop and that the people behind it are nuttier than squirrel shit. In the beginning, these wackos were mainly seen as a joke. They comprised of your garden variety conspiracy kooks, disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters, and Right Wingers who were searching for another Democratic Presidential Nominee to destroy. But now, their craziness has trickled into the mainstream and even Press Secretary Robert Gibbs found himself answering questions about the Administration’s response to the madness. What’s even more sickening is that there are elected Republican officials who are overtly and covertly supporting these fools.

Look, if anyone hasn’t bothered to tell you, I will: Ya’ll are a bunch of whacked out racists. Deep in your hearts you KNOW that Obama is a natural born American Citizen but your hatred and fear will not allow you face that truth. So instead you file your little lawsuits, post your crazy blogs, ambush moderate Republicans, and spam any site worth reading with your drivel. You’ve even recruited some equally crazy and self hating Negroes like Alan Keyes (putting the C in crazy all day every day) and Reverend David (Robbin’ and Stealin’) Manning (P H of D) to help your cause.

You idiots.

As if legitimate state and federal agencies would ever let a black man become President without checking him from back to front, sideways, up and down and perpendicular. The only reason why Barack Obama was able to successfully win the election is because his enemies could find nothing on him. Nothing! For him to be able to pull this great scheme off, he would need to cooperation of every state and federal entity available going back 47 years. Let me reiterate; there’s no way a brother could get the Justice Department, The Supreme Court, the Department of Homeland Security, The House of Representatives, The Senate, and the states of Illinois and Hawaii to buy into the hype no matter how smart he was or how big his grin is. Not even a safe negro like Bill Cosby could pull that shit off. Please!

Face it, the only reason why people are actually paying attention to you freaks is because it is the human tendency to laugh and mock those who lick windows in their spare time. It boosts us regular folks’ self esteem when we see middle aged white women screaming about how they don’t want the flag to change. It also makes those of of who lean slightly to the Left feel good to see those on the Right dig their graves a little deeper by trying to pass laws that require candidates to provide birth certificates.

Call this a dose of tough love if you will.  Get some help. Get a new hobby. Switch tinfoil brands. Look for a new conspiracy. (Look! Another C Street resident is caught doing the horizontal mambo with a chick who isn’t his wife!)  Do something else besides try to bring the national discourse down to the lowest common denominator because you can’t accept the fact that a black man now occupies the White House. The shit is old and it’s tired. This type of crazy is so 1994.

Get over yourselves, please!

don’t believe the hype

A picture’s worth a thousand words. A video’s worth 10 times that.

captain chickenhawk

Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t John McCain lose the election last November? So why is he still running his mouth on the Sunday talk shows? I for one don’t care that he thinks President Obama hasn’t said enough about the Iranian elections disaster. I’m assuming that since PBO gets daily security briefings and McCain doesn’t, the Prez is more abreast of the situation than me or Senator “McCain’t Stop Talking”.

See, McCain’s brand of diplomacy involves hyping  up America’s reputation as the beacon of democracy, even if it means every other country in the world hates our guts. That glaring fact doesn’t matter to McCain because according to him, at least those countries are FREE to hate us with impunity. Too bad that really doesn’t work outside the world of neo-conservatism. What McCain fails to realize is that the Iranians have long memories. The last time we meddled in their Presidential elections, we got rid of their democratically elected President and installed the Shah. The Shah as it turned out was a big fan of American democracy, as long as it stayed in America.  Actually he was a brutal dictator who loved to lock up and kill his critics. And yet McCain the Pain wants the President to stick his nose in Iranian business again.

Can you just imagine what things would be like if McCain had actually won? No Gitmo closing, no end date for the conflict in Iraq, no resolution in Afghanistan, a possible strike against North Korea, and saber rattling in Iran. If he had his way, we’d be at war with damn near every nation in the world. Thank goodness the majority of Americans searched their conscience last year and decided McCan’ts way was not the path follow. In fact, even his fellow conservatives and other pundits are putting the brakes on his tough talk. Joe Scarborough feigned indignation at McCain’s criticism and Joe Klein from Time Magazine wrote that the Republican also ran should be quiet.

Unfortunately, I don’t think McCain will be zipping his lips soon. He’s enjoying the spotlight too much. It’s just good to have some real political wisdom in the White House to offset the clucking of Captain Chickenhawk.

sublimely ridiculous

Roger Federer took the court today with his fancy Wimbledon duds. Emphasis on DUD.

If the gold lame disco diaper bag wasn’t enough, our eyes were further assaulted with the vest with gold piping. Sgt. Pepper’s feeling a little lonely without his get up don’t you think?

Attention whore fail.

A Tall Glass of S.T.F.U

S.T.F.U is needed for the following..

• Sarah Palin-Once again shows how incapable she is of handling herself on the  national stage. Instead of ignoring a rather stupid joke by David Letterman, she began a campaign of thin skinned shrillness for the talking heads. After the dust settled, she all but called Letterman a child molester. Please, Governor Palin get a glass and drink up…preferably back in Alaska with no cameras or microphones.
• Carrie PreJean-Newly fired Ms. California is skipping her daily glass of S.T.F.U in lieu of proclaiming herself a victim of a set up by some evil beauty pageant cabal. Who knew that pseudo Christian bigots were in such danger?  Of course her firing could have something to do with her not fulfilling the terms of her contract, but that wouldn’t be as nearly exciting. It’s a conspiracy to keep her from being great! Great at what, who the hell knows?
• Liz Cheney-My God, this chick is everywhere.  Lying her blonde ass off for Daddy’s sake. Like Father, like Daughter they are surviving on a S.T.F.U free diet. It needs to be rectified immediately.
• Cornel West-Professor, Author, Hip Hop Artist and Crack house Volunteer? Professor West proclaimed that he’d rather work in a crack house than with the Obama Administration. As fucking if! If he doesn’t realize it, we mere mortals do; West is pissed because he and the other stooges Michael Eric Dyson and Tavis Smiley haven’t been invited to the White House. Does he not understand the PBO has more important things to do other than stroke the egos of public intellectuals. Dr. West, have some S.T.F.U and ruminate over that please.
• Heidi and Spencer Pratt-I’ll admit I’ve never watched a single episode of  “The Hills”. Apparently they were the villans of the show and now they’ve taken their ditz act to the mainstream. It doesn’t look like things are working out that well because they got dissed by Whoopie and Joy on “The View” and then got pwned by Al Roker of all people.  How friggin’ pathetic do you have to be to get a smackdown by the Today show weatherman? Maybe a dose of S.T.F.U will help their cause.
• Mitt Romney-Mitt’s Too Legit to Quit…talking that is. Especially when he’s talking about matters he obviously knows nothing about. For a man whose foreign policy experience amounts to some missionary work in France (France? There were Mormons in France?) and rubbing elbows with international Olympic committee members, Mitt is telling anyone who will listen his thoughts on Obama’s recent speech in Cairo. He thinks Obama’s speech sucked and that he made America look bad. Oh, if Irony and Paradox were a WWF Tag Team, Mitt would have been double suplexed by now. Here’s some advice from someone who truly doesn’t give a damn about what you say, Mitt. You’ll never be President! Now bottoms up!

crying wolf

So the first line of attack against Sonia Sotomayor from The Right is that she’s a racist because she was quoted as saying that as a Latina woman she understands more how life really is than an over-privileged white male. See, real people-and I mean people who are capable of coherent thought understood what Judge Sotomayor was saying. As a woman and a minority who grew up without a silver coke spoon in her mouth, she was saying that she has a real understanding of racial discrimination, sexism, income disparity, etc. You know, all the things that The Right tend to ignore.

Well unless they can use it to their advantage. Let’s go back to a time when another Hispanic was nominated for a top position. Remember Alberto Gonzales and how The Right touted his ethnicity? Recall how they accused anyone of questioning Gonzales’ credentials as being racist? Ring some bells? Thought so. It’s the tried and true meme: Whatever works for us, doesn’t work for you. The problem is, times have changed. The Right has lost a lot of ground with the country’s Hispanic and Latino population because of its anti-immigrant stance. The  political games that worked three years ago just don’t work now, and it didn’t help that Gonzales’ turned out to be a disaster of Cloverfield proportions.

But as usual, the foot soldiers of divisive politics are making the rounds. Newt Gingrich twittering for Sotomayor’s withdrawal. Ann Coulter’s on GMA defending her whiteness. Rush Limbaugh is, well saying what he always does. Even Senate Republicans are taking swipes, like questioning her intellect and whatnot. Come again? Sotomayor has more Judicial experience than any SCOTUS candidate is YEARS.

It’s almost pitiful. Almost, but I’d rather save my sympathy for folks who truly deserve it. I do think that Sotomayor will be appointed, but no thanks will be given to the Conservatives who cried wolf.

love & envy

Leave it to Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic to provide the most compelling match of the Madrid Masters tennis tournament. It would have easy for either one of these guys to chuck it in; what with the wind, the bad bounces, and the wonky calls. However, they both brushed all of those things aside and fought to near death in an epic 4 hour match that will surely be mentioned for years to come.

Nadal once again prevailed after coming back from a disastrous first set where he had to call a trainer to tend to a sore knee. His was regularly overcooking his forehand and remained defensive during most of the match. But as the story always seems to go with him, he simply refused to quit. With 12,000 rabid Spanish fans cheering him on, he found the will to win against his most ardent challenger to date.

Djokovic for his part played brilliantly and pushed Nadal harder than anyone has on clay in a couple of years. No one can say after seeing him stretch Nadal to two tiebreaks, that he hasn’t proved himself to be the second best player on clay this year. Sure he will be disappointed that he couldn’t finally seal the deal, but he has nothing to be ashamed of in my eyes.

The only thing I can attribute the monumental effort of these two men to is, love. Love of the game, love of competition, and love of the home crowd. They just simply give a damn-no matter what gets thrown their way. It’s just awesome to witness. I hope that love never goes away because the sport of tennis will surely suffer if it happens.

As for the women, the paper #1 Dinara Safina made it to her second straight final. Good on her. When you are ranked number 1, you’re supposed to win matches. But when I read this:

“I guess they’re jealous that I am so young and number 1. I don’t know….To become number 1 it’s not just winning the Grand Slams, it’s how you compete the whole year.”

“Yes, I didn’t win a Grand Slam but I was in two finals and in one semifinal in one year. Many people can’t achieve that in their career.”

Methinks she doth protest too much.  No point getting into the fact that most of the women who have held the number 1 ranking have done just that and more. Also, 23 aint that damn young in tennis terms. Venus and Serena both held the top rank before they were 23.  But what sticks in my craw is her assertion that everybody’s just hating on her. Yeah right. We’re just “jeliss”.

To that I say, “Girl, BYE!”

Can’t take a joke?

Wanda Sykes tore the house down during the White House Correspondent’s dinner this weekend. She took pot shots at everyone but The Right are up in arms about her joke about Rush Limbaugh being the 20th hijacker. You mean to tell me that fat slab of humanity can joke about Michael J. Fox having Parkinson’s disease but no one can say anything about him? GTFOH!

The White House and even Keith Olbermann poo pooed the joke but did they forget that Wanda is a comedian? A left leaning lesbian comedienne?  That means she doesn’t give a fuck and neither should we. Limbaugh and his ilk thrive in the mud of racism, classism, and sexism so throwing a bit more mud aint going to hurt.