got your back

We all have fallen short of the glory. Unfortunately for some of us, the fall can be big and in front of a whole lot of people. Thank goodness there are those who have screwed up just as bad or even worse to come to the defense. For example, the embattled governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford spoke op for his fellow South Carolinian Joe “You Lie” Wilson. Sanford bemoaned the fact that Wilson already apologized once and he didn’t understand what else did they want from the loud congressman. In the world of Mark Sanford it seems, saying your sorry should be enough.

But it isn’t. Sanford is being pushed out of the Governorship and the rest of America (save the right wing haters) aren’t quite ready to forgive Joe Wilson. What he did crossed all kinds of lines. His outburst not only showed a disrespect for the President but for his fellow representatives, and his constituents. To hell with his emotions getting the best of him. That’s just a bullshit excuse for wanting a bit of shine based on a lie. His pithy apology waylaid by Rahm Emmanuel simply wasn’t enough. At least if he made a statement to the House that showed some modicum of contriteness it would help. I don’t see that happening though. It wouldn’t fit the whole patriotic-all american-fight-the liberals meme. It’s cool to disrespect the President and his family. If you have an offensive enough sign or if you repeat a crazy enough conspiracy theory, you get a whole lot of attention.

I wonder though will Joe appreciate the Governor’s show of support.  Could it possibly help his re-election chances if he has a lying, cheating, stealing fellow Republican in his corner. Maybe Joe doesn’t feel all that great with Mark having his back. I don’t think a rally featuring the both of them will be happening any time soon. How interesting that Mark Sanford would say that it’s time for all of us to move on. We all could do that once Sanford and Wilson are out of office that’s for sure.

here and now

I know I’ve skipped a day of U. S. Open Coverage but WordPress was on some bullshit so I couldn’t update. Plus, I has a funeral to go to. I haven’t been to one since 1992 when the center of my life, my grandmother passed away. It was sad, sometimes painful, often times inspiring. I’m glad I went to say goodbye to Marjorie. She was a special lady. She wasn’t famous ( I noticed that some readers tried to Google her). She’s was just a regular person who loved her Alma Mater, loved teaching children, loved music and singing, but most importantly-loved her family. The lives she touched were no doubt made better in some way. I just wish there were more like her.

I’m still a little sad so I’ll make this brief.

Serena won a tough match against Panetta. As always, her serve got her out of trouble and when it mattered she hunkered down and got to business. I watched the replay on ESPN 360 and it was a thoroughly enjoyable match.

Rafa Nadal brushed aside Galloping Gael in 4 sets. I’ll admit, I was very nervous before the match. When he’s not in La La Land, Monfils can really bring the rain. Up until last night’s match, Monfils was literally cruising and if I’m not mistaken, he hadn’t even dropped a set. I felt my nervousness was justified considering the last time we all saw Rafa, he was laid out on the court getting his tummy taped. The thing is if everyone was nervous, Rafa was oblivious to it. True to form, Gael started the match on fire. He was serving well and scurrying to and fro and was generally make life very uncomfortable for Rafa. However, like a boxer Rafa absorbed those first set body blows and started to wear Gael down with his consistency. By set three, Gael was huffing and puffing and only won 1 game. By the time the 4th set came to a close, he was shanking and spraying. Rafa seized the win and for all of his trouble he gets a kiss on the cheek by a loony fan who snuck by security.

Can enough be said regarding the utter fuckery of that situation? USTA security gots some ‘spalining to do.

There could be a very good reason as to why Rafa got himself together and took out Monfils is such splendid fashion. According to the rankings, if Rafa managed to go one round better than Andy Murray he would once again be ranked number 2. That’s exactly what happened. Murray was booted out of the tournament earlier that day by Marin Cillic of Croatia. BIG HUGE UPSET. Not only had Cillic never beaten Murray in the four previous times they played but Murray was the pick of a lot of tennis insiders to win the tournament. But now, he leaves New York with no trophy and no number 2 ranking. He just wasn’t ready ya’ll. Deal with it.

Moms and Meltdowns

I could see it coming when I saw the women’s draw. I could really see it coming when Venus Williams debuted the massive strap job on her knee. What I couldn’t predict is the strange ass score: 0-6, 6-0, 4-6.  2 practice sessions and 1 competitive set and Jada’s mom, Kim Clijsters is in the Quarterfinals. I’m not mad nor am I bitter. The sheer joy on Kim’s face was just wonderful to see. Wow, a woman who took 2 years off to live a normal life decides to make a comeback and makes it to the quarterfinals of the U.S Open is something to celebrate. All hype aside, I really appreciate Kim’s love of the game. She deserves all the kudos being given to her.

With Venus out of the main singles draw, Serena Williams is the only top 5 seed standing. Serena got into the quarterfinals by destroying Daniela Hantuchova 6-2, 6-0. Serena is marching along all business and big serve. It’s very likely that she will meet her sister’s conquerer in the semifinals. The rest of the match ups are rather unclear. There are upsets galore on the women’s side, but conventional wisdom says that the U.S Open is still Serena’s to lose.

My main Mallorcan Rafa Nadal had a tougher time than he probably expected against his Davis Cup team mate, Nico Almagro. His was broken during his very first service game and the set continued with each player breaking the other. Almagro’s huge one handed backhand and aggressive game had Rafa scrambling, but you never got the feeling that he believed he could beat Rafa, and he didn’t. The most dramatic moments of the match were when Rafa and Nico both called for medical timeouts. The pictures of the both laid out on the court was disheartening to see because it reflects an even bigger problem in tennis. I’ve written about this before. The season is too long and too many tournaments are played on hard courts. During the Open, I don’t think I’ve seen so many players with leg and knee wraps. Not to mention shoulder and stomach tape. Nadal, after having to sit out for 2 months because of tendinitis is now suffering from an abdominal strain. Not to be outdone, his 4th round opponent Gael Monfils is sporting taped knees.

Hmmmm…

See what I mean? Gilles Simon had to retire because of injury and Vera Zvonereva…*sigh*

Let’s just go ahead and talk about the match, okay? Vera Zvonereva and Flavia Panetta’s match was the most dramatic so far of the championships. Vera started out on fire and won the first set 6-3. The second set started out pretty much the same as the first until Vera was serving for the match. Flavia started to have belief and Vera started to fall apart. It’s been a while since Vera has disintegrated on court, but boy did she return to her old ways in style. Racket cracking, hysterical crying and tape ripping became part of the show and by the end of the match, Flavia raised her hands in triumph and Vera departed the stadium in tears not having won a single game in the last set. It was fascinating and yet tragic to watch. As happy as I am for Flavia I can’t help but feel for Vera. That’s the kind of match that can haunt your dreams and affect your play forever. Just ask Gabriela Sabatini.

Such is life. Such is tennis.

red, white, and shoes

The Americans keep doing their thing on the 4th Day of the U.S. Open. Melanie Oudin and her customized shoes majorly upset 4th seeded Elena Dementieva, a player many tennis know-it-alls thought would go all the way. Well, now she going all the way back to Russia. Other  American victors were Andy Roddick, James Blake (yeah him!), Sam Querry, John Isner, and Jesse Whitten.

The second big seeded player to fall was Jelena Jankovic. How it must burn to lose to a player no one has ever heard of when you’re wearing such a snazzy dress. I’m not gonna rag on the Glitter Serb to much, word from the grapevine is that she suffered a death in the family. No matter how good a player you are, that kind of news has a way of affecting your play. What can I say about the match? Jankovic had her chances. She even had a match point in the final set tie-breaker, but Yaroslava Shvedova (that’s a mouthful) wanted it just a little bit more. Alona Bondarenko went down meekly to Gisela Dulko. Sabine Lisicki went lame and lost too.

Novak Djokovic whinged and flung his racket but still managed to win in straight sets. Tommy Hass stood up to the challenge provided by Robert Kendrick and made it through, Fernando Verdasco looked solid in victory and the Swede who shall not be named lucked out when his opponent retired. Boo Chicken! Boo!

Miss Sharapova got a prime spot in Ashe Stadium this evening and won in straight sets. You could say it was a convincing win except if you did a little research you would find out that her opponent was 17 years old and sported a big bandage on her leg. That’s looking to be the hot accessory during the Open- leg bandages. Where was I? Oh yes, Sharapova the winner with  her 7 double faults and 50 % first serve percentage. I can tell you this, no one is going to win the U.S Open with those kind of serving stats. No way, no how.

Should I even mention the other winner on the ladies side? I’ll let you guess on this one. She’s highly ranked, she struggled through another three set match, and her sibling spent a lot of time during his farewell press conference defending her. That’s all I’m giving you because that’s about all the effort she’s worth about now. I don’t want to hear how sympathetic a character she is. She’s the number 1 player in the world. She needs to play like it or go home.  Before you ask  isn’t sweating out two tough early round matches the stuff of champions let me break down to you like this: What she’s doing ain’t new. It’s just the excuses that are novel.

The best way to shut people up in the world of sports is to win. Wing big. Win convincingly. Win like your life depended on it. Win like all the hard work and sweat and tears were worth it. If she does manage to get herself together and win her first major, she’ll get her kudos from me. Until then, I’m not trying to hear it.

photoshopped and screwed

This month’s Self magazine cover girl is Season 1 American Idol Winner Kelly Clarkson. And doesn’t she look great? She looks all fresh faced and trim and everything. The problem is, that’s not her. Well I take that back. It’s her digitally created doppleganger.  How ironic that a magazine that has the words,  ”Total Body Confidence” on its cover feels the need to photoshop its cover model into some almost unrecognizable fantasy girl.

When this obvious point was brought up to the Editor in Chief of the magazine, Lucy Danzinger stated that it was a standard practice to digitally alter photos. According to her it’s art, not news. She is right in once aspect; digital alteration of photos is a standard practice. Every magazine cover from Vogue to Newsweek features subjects that have had crow’s feet, tummy bulges, and flyaway hair magically brushed away. Pale starlets are given tans and African Americans skin tones are made lighter and brighter. It’s all based on the notion that real people looking like they really do won’t sell magazines.

That’s where Ms. Danzinger has it wrong. As much as we all would like to have our own personal digital alteration program that allows us to wipe away all of our flaws , that just ain’t the way things are. One of the most important lessons all of us have to learn is that we have accept ourselves as we are, otherwise happiness is as much an illusion as that girl on the magazine cover. Hell, the name of the magazine is SELF. What are they trying to hawk? Self love obtained by Adobe? What’s the real message? You can be your best self–only if you’re skinny with no acne?

Kelly Clarkson has always stated how proud she is of her body, so she has to be extremely disappointed that her pride in herself was brushed away with a few keystrokes.

kiss and tales

So much for the post-Wimbledon tennis lull. Oh, the tennis itself is pretty snooze worthy (Soderling wins Bastaad-whoopee!). No, it’s what’s happening OFF the court that’s getting tongues a wagging. Earlier this year, French player Richard Gasquet tested positive for cocaine and was facing  a two year ban. After an appeal, a test result, a lot of media attention, and a story about a cocaine laced kiss with some chick named Pamela, Gasquet was given a two month suspension with time served. 

 Is Gasquet  some raging coke head who finally got caught? I don’t know that. What I think is that Martina Hingis, who also tested positive for cocaine and was also given a two year ban should be hopping mad right about now. Her story was just as implausible as Gasquet’s in my opinion and yet she had the book, the tennis racket, and everything else thrown at her. I know it was that pesky “out of competition” vs. “in competition” test result but on the real, something just aint right-like my man Keith Sweat used to say.

And it’s not getting any righter, because Pamela the little cocaine minx has just filed a lawsuit against Gasquet. She claims that Gasquet “defamed” her when he claimed that she was the one who contaminated him after they had an extended makeout session. She said she only kissed him once. He said she spent a verrry long time in the little girl’s room doing whatever before their lip lock. She said he’s full of ca ca and she’s not a coke head. Whatever the truth is, it’s going to be a while before it all gets sorted out. In the meantime, Gasquet will more than likely return to court sometime next month.

I’m very interested in seeing what kind of reception he will receive once he does come back. Will he face icy silence in the locker room? Will he get asked numerous questions about his off court troubles during his press conferences? Can the commentators restrain themselves from giving their opinions concerning his guilt and innocence while calling his matches? And how will Gasquet handle all of this? Anyone who has followed his career knows that Richard isn’t the toughest soldier on the field. For a player who has no problem defaulting  a Davis Cup match because he didn’t “feel well”, I wonder how will all this added pressure play itself out. Time and the tales will tell.

A Tall Glass of S.T.F.U

S.T.F.U is needed for the following..

• Sarah Palin-Once again shows how incapable she is of handling herself on the  national stage. Instead of ignoring a rather stupid joke by David Letterman, she began a campaign of thin skinned shrillness for the talking heads. After the dust settled, she all but called Letterman a child molester. Please, Governor Palin get a glass and drink up…preferably back in Alaska with no cameras or microphones.
• Carrie PreJean-Newly fired Ms. California is skipping her daily glass of S.T.F.U in lieu of proclaiming herself a victim of a set up by some evil beauty pageant cabal. Who knew that pseudo Christian bigots were in such danger?  Of course her firing could have something to do with her not fulfilling the terms of her contract, but that wouldn’t be as nearly exciting. It’s a conspiracy to keep her from being great! Great at what, who the hell knows?
• Liz Cheney-My God, this chick is everywhere.  Lying her blonde ass off for Daddy’s sake. Like Father, like Daughter they are surviving on a S.T.F.U free diet. It needs to be rectified immediately.
• Cornel West-Professor, Author, Hip Hop Artist and Crack house Volunteer? Professor West proclaimed that he’d rather work in a crack house than with the Obama Administration. As fucking if! If he doesn’t realize it, we mere mortals do; West is pissed because he and the other stooges Michael Eric Dyson and Tavis Smiley haven’t been invited to the White House. Does he not understand the PBO has more important things to do other than stroke the egos of public intellectuals. Dr. West, have some S.T.F.U and ruminate over that please.
• Heidi and Spencer Pratt-I’ll admit I’ve never watched a single episode of  “The Hills”. Apparently they were the villans of the show and now they’ve taken their ditz act to the mainstream. It doesn’t look like things are working out that well because they got dissed by Whoopie and Joy on “The View” and then got pwned by Al Roker of all people.  How friggin’ pathetic do you have to be to get a smackdown by the Today show weatherman? Maybe a dose of S.T.F.U will help their cause.
• Mitt Romney-Mitt’s Too Legit to Quit…talking that is. Especially when he’s talking about matters he obviously knows nothing about. For a man whose foreign policy experience amounts to some missionary work in France (France? There were Mormons in France?) and rubbing elbows with international Olympic committee members, Mitt is telling anyone who will listen his thoughts on Obama’s recent speech in Cairo. He thinks Obama’s speech sucked and that he made America look bad. Oh, if Irony and Paradox were a WWF Tag Team, Mitt would have been double suplexed by now. Here’s some advice from someone who truly doesn’t give a damn about what you say, Mitt. You’ll never be President! Now bottoms up!

0-3

0-3, that’s the Grand Slam final record for the number #1 ranked player in the world. Once again, when it all mattered, when all the chips were in, when the stars were all aligned, she couldn’t close the deal. And yet, the rest of us were accused by her of hating when in actuality, we were very aware of Dinara Safina’s amazing ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Well there’s Wimbledon in a few weeks and then the U.S Open in August. That means two more chances to prove us wrong–or two more chances to earn some more runner’s up plates.

Enough about her..

Congrats to Svetlana Kuznetsova of Russia for winning her first French Open title. For two weeks she played gutsy tennis with no fuss, no muss, and she was finally rewarded for all of her hard work.  Amazing, Kuznetsova has never been ranked #1 and yet she has two major titles. 

*Dapz*

all american rejects

-The much anticipated Republican budget proposal was released this week. It was supposed to be the Anti-Obama budget with lots of nice deep tax cuts and spending freezes.  However, what the American public got was a 19 page basement pamphlet full of nothing. No details, no deficit reduction plan, nada.  At that moment the “Party of No” became the party of “Party of Nothing”. To see Boehner & Company pimping this mess in front of the camera’s was embarrassing. I will give them an “A” in PR disasters.  Maybe next time Eric Cantor can get Britney Spears’ help to write the next one.

-In other news from The Right, Rep. Michelle Bachman from Minnesota is calling for an uprising against big bad Socialist Obama. According to her, you’re not a true Patriot unless you are willing to fight to maintain tax breaks for the wealthiest 10%. The Founding Fathers did write about freedom from tyranny, true but they also wrote about sedition and treason as well. Of course I’m assuming Bachman has actually read the Constitution or the Bill of Rights. Silly me! 

-The Right has recruited another foot soldier in the war against everything: Joe The Plumber. Yep, they’ve asked an unemployed, non-union, non plumber to speak out against the Employee Free Choice Act. Feel free to laugh at the horny one. I am.

-Michael Steele emerged from the honeycomb hideout to let us know that he wants to be President if God wills it. What would Jesus do then if faced with criticizing Rush Limbaugh? I doubt the Lawd would say, “It was a jokey joke. I was just playin’ ya’ll!”

una mala semana

 Embattled RNC Chair Michael Steele a.k.a “MC Steele” faced calls for his resignation, a good old fashion mocking by Joe Scarborough, and a FBI investigation into his financial shenanigans during his 2006 Senate run. Yikes. To make matters worse, he had to kowtow and pucker up to the Almighty Rush Limbaugh. It looks like his fellow Republicans are no longer poplocking to “How ya like me now?”

 R&B Singer and Ike Turner devotee, Chris Brown was formally charged this week with two felonies.  His arraignment has been postponed until April in order to give his PR team ample time to create more sympathy. However, the full police report has been released and suffice to say, their modus operandi will only work on those Rhi Rhi hating C.Breezy STANS out there.

 ”American Idol” finalist Tatiana Del Toro made it to the finals and got dumped, only to be brought back for the wild card round to be dumped again. It might not have been as bad a week for her as it was for us. We’re the ones that truly suffered from two nights in a row of her woefully fucktastical version “Saving All My Love”, and the subsequent histrionics. Oh the drama!

 Chicken McNuggets obsessed Latreasa Goodman was arrested and charged for misusing the 911 system for calling 3 times to report that a monstrous McDonald’s worker denied her of her precious McNuggets. Ms. Goodman contends that she did the right thing by calling 911 instead of flying across the counter and getting her money back.  I could understand her rationale say if she ordered a wing pack from Popeyes. Everyone one knows those Cajun spices are enough to throw some bows over, but honestly…