Scary Black Men

I know I should be incredibly offended by the faux New Black Panther Party Scandal trumped-up by The Right and Fox News. I just can’t though. It’s so utterly ridiculous to think that videotape of a cuckoo-ball at a polling station wielding a club and screaming cuckoo-ball stuff was going to topple the Obama Presidency. As fas as I could see, no one seemed intimidated. They just avoided homeboy and gave him some serious side-eyes. If you are a regular Fox News watcher though, this guy was the Scary Black Man made of nightmares. The jack boot wearing, revolutionary spouting boogeyman whose mission in life was frighten the poo out of good ol’ Americans.

Gimme a break, will you? The New Black Panther Party is a joke. They get no love. In fact the only time anyone pays attention to them is when one of them goes on Fox News. But we’re supposed to believe they are in cahoots with the Obama Administration to suppress voting rights? I know this requires a bit of attention, but the NBPP doesn’t care for Obama too much either. Actually they don’t care for anyone who doesn’t adhere to their separatist ideology.  That pretty much includes about 99.9% of the Black population in this country. But to The Right, it doesn’t matter. They fit right nicely into the Scary Black Man meme. Unfortunately, folks were eating it up.

Until the facts came out. See, it was the Bush administration that chose not to pursue Voter intimidation and suppression charges against the NBPP. In fact, they banned them from appearing at polling places until 2012. They were quite satisfied with the response of the local authorities who escorted the members from the polling place and took away their big stick. No muss, no fuss. No need to worry about a big, black, beret wearing Negro jumping behind a voter and screaming, “Boo!” before the lever is pulled.

Too bad the Faux pundits got their knickers all in a twist about it. Poor Megyn Kelly blew a gasket at the mere mention that all this was much ado about nothing. “It’s not about race!”, she cried. “It’s about the law!”. Uh, okay. I don’t remember her being that upset when the Bush led Department of Justice sought to destroy ACORN and purged members from the department when they didn’t cooperate. I know, they weren’t Scary and Black though.

Good thing that all the baiting will probably lead to nothing. Fox News will have to find another Scary Negro to prop up in front of its viewers because Scary Negro Number 1, President Obama just isn’t doing the trick anymore.

Stay tuned.

cooning guido style

The Italian Community in New Jersey is up in arms because MTV has a brand new show called, “Jersey Shore” which showcases a cultural subset who call themselves ”Guidos”. Guidos are dark-skinned (due to excessive tanning),  have wild hair, have their own vernacular, and spend their time partying, drinking, gelling their hair, and wasting time. Something about this sounds familiar but I can’t put my finger on it just yet… But Italians from the Eastern seaboard and beyond are decrying the show for exploiting ethnic Italian stereotypes. They call the show racist. Again, this sounds so friggin’ familiar. Hmmmm. Due to pressure, two advertisers have pulled out. Undaunted MTV decided to run the show anyway.

That isn’t surprising in the least. Who cares about stereotypes when you’re making tons of money? You know that familiar feeling I kept mentioning? It’s the sense of deja vu. MTV and its demonic sister, Vh-1 have been a showcase for black folks to make fools out of themselves. Now I guess it’s time for them to dig up some more old stereotypes in order to offend a whole new audience. It’s not like I’m placing the blame entirely on the networks, they wouldn’t be able to have these shows if there weren’t idiots out there willing to sell themselves out for a little bit of fame and a $5,000.00 honoriarium.

The Guidos in question say that they are just expressing family and ethnic pride. I could go with that to a certain extent. Say like, if there were was some redeeming knowledge in learning how to gel your hair perfectly and say, “Yo”! Let’s just call all this for what it is: Cooning. Cooning always pays. It’s that simple. Even if there was enough outrage to get “Jersey Shore” taken off, what’s to say that the very next week  MTV wouldn’t come up with, “Chinatown Nights” or some other bullshit?

It’s so easy to sell out now it’s not even funny, nor is it entertaining. Flip any channel and you’ll be confronted with the very worst parts of our individual cultures. As long as there are people willing to buck and shine (in Jersey Shore’s case: Oil and Gel), there’s always going to be someone who’s willing to film it. Of course there’s always those willing to watch.

photoshopped and screwed

This month’s Self magazine cover girl is Season 1 American Idol Winner Kelly Clarkson. And doesn’t she look great? She looks all fresh faced and trim and everything. The problem is, that’s not her. Well I take that back. It’s her digitally created doppleganger.  How ironic that a magazine that has the words,  ”Total Body Confidence” on its cover feels the need to photoshop its cover model into some almost unrecognizable fantasy girl.

When this obvious point was brought up to the Editor in Chief of the magazine, Lucy Danzinger stated that it was a standard practice to digitally alter photos. According to her it’s art, not news. She is right in once aspect; digital alteration of photos is a standard practice. Every magazine cover from Vogue to Newsweek features subjects that have had crow’s feet, tummy bulges, and flyaway hair magically brushed away. Pale starlets are given tans and African Americans skin tones are made lighter and brighter. It’s all based on the notion that real people looking like they really do won’t sell magazines.

That’s where Ms. Danzinger has it wrong. As much as we all would like to have our own personal digital alteration program that allows us to wipe away all of our flaws , that just ain’t the way things are. One of the most important lessons all of us have to learn is that we have accept ourselves as we are, otherwise happiness is as much an illusion as that girl on the magazine cover. Hell, the name of the magazine is SELF. What are they trying to hawk? Self love obtained by Adobe? What’s the real message? You can be your best self–only if you’re skinny with no acne?

Kelly Clarkson has always stated how proud she is of her body, so she has to be extremely disappointed that her pride in herself was brushed away with a few keystrokes.

kiss and tales

So much for the post-Wimbledon tennis lull. Oh, the tennis itself is pretty snooze worthy (Soderling wins Bastaad-whoopee!). No, it’s what’s happening OFF the court that’s getting tongues a wagging. Earlier this year, French player Richard Gasquet tested positive for cocaine and was facing  a two year ban. After an appeal, a test result, a lot of media attention, and a story about a cocaine laced kiss with some chick named Pamela, Gasquet was given a two month suspension with time served. 

 Is Gasquet  some raging coke head who finally got caught? I don’t know that. What I think is that Martina Hingis, who also tested positive for cocaine and was also given a two year ban should be hopping mad right about now. Her story was just as implausible as Gasquet’s in my opinion and yet she had the book, the tennis racket, and everything else thrown at her. I know it was that pesky “out of competition” vs. “in competition” test result but on the real, something just aint right-like my man Keith Sweat used to say.

And it’s not getting any righter, because Pamela the little cocaine minx has just filed a lawsuit against Gasquet. She claims that Gasquet “defamed” her when he claimed that she was the one who contaminated him after they had an extended makeout session. She said she only kissed him once. He said she spent a verrry long time in the little girl’s room doing whatever before their lip lock. She said he’s full of ca ca and she’s not a coke head. Whatever the truth is, it’s going to be a while before it all gets sorted out. In the meantime, Gasquet will more than likely return to court sometime next month.

I’m very interested in seeing what kind of reception he will receive once he does come back. Will he face icy silence in the locker room? Will he get asked numerous questions about his off court troubles during his press conferences? Can the commentators restrain themselves from giving their opinions concerning his guilt and innocence while calling his matches? And how will Gasquet handle all of this? Anyone who has followed his career knows that Richard isn’t the toughest soldier on the field. For a player who has no problem defaulting  a Davis Cup match because he didn’t “feel well”, I wonder how will all this added pressure play itself out. Time and the tales will tell.

dummies of the day

So I took a few days off from blogging because I had a serious case of writer’s block. I mean, I could have written about the increasing number of Republican idiots lining up to kiss Rush Limbaugh’s fat behind-but then everybody’s writing about that. I could have submitted a little blurb about Serena beating Venus in an exhibition in Madison Square Garden last night. But what’s new about them beating the crap out of each other on the court? Besides, I had a serious case of hater-itis because I couldn’t be in New York to see it for myself. Eff the recession, man!

So I decided to write about the obsession over The Bachelor. Folks are all up in arms because this year’s jerkoff, Jason dumped Molly for Melissa and then turned around and dumped Melissa for Molly.  You would have thought that this was the plot line from some silly rom-com starring Katherine Heigel. In actuality, it was scripted by some coke sniffing ABC execs to boost ratings. Hey, they had to top “The Bachelor 2007″ which had the douchebag dumping both finalists before skipping off into the sunset with his twin brother. Gotta keep those creative juices flowing and the masses satisfied!

I guess I’m just surprised that the public watches this tripe year after year.  It’s not like American Idol where the idiots get showcased at the beginning of the series knowing there’s no hope in them winning. No, with The Bachelor the biggest idiot gets chosen. I believe it’s an actual prerequisite that the chosen lady BE a blithering paste eater.  Seriously, have we devolved to a point where it’s entertaining to see a bunch of desperate women filled with “hubby and white picket fence”  hopes giggle, sneer, cry, and beg a man to notice them for a chance at a showmance? Considering the dismal stats; not one featured bachelor has married his chosen dolt, do we still believe that love can be discovered on a television show?

Certainly not, but the network sure does a job in trying to convince the masses it does. They go all out with it too: Dream dates in exotic locales, perfect lighting and ever ready make up artists help to sell the dream. They count on their audience to suspend all disbelief and logic  in order to stay glued to the boob tube and fantasize that romance can be like it is on teevee! But it’s nothing but a ride-a nauseating amusement park ride filled with colors and bells and whistles. In the end, all it does is leave you dizzy and feeling gypped.

This aint no knock on romantic love. It is real and it can be great, but it can’t be created in a board room by Writer’s Guild rejects. Real people with real emotions fall in love-not wannabes who after not getting a rose, go and do beaver shots for “Girls Gone Wild”. As hilarious and entertaining as some reality shows are, I have a deep belief that there is something inherently not right  about people who have no problem with exposing themselves on national television.  What sticks in my craw about the crap merchants on The Bachelor  is that they are hawking a kind of snake oil that when taken in makes people believe that there is something wrong with them because they don’t have some hand picked mannequin taking them up on a hot air balloon ride. Like, your dream man does shit like this, you need to get you a piece! 

Please. No he doesn’t. My dream man likes playing Collapse 3 and discussing Shaw Brothers movie history. He’ll tell me he loves me without Camera A poking him in his eye. He’ll know that roses are expensive and that I prefer daisies. He won’t have to go out on 5 group dates to know that I’m the woman for him. He’ll know that relationships are work and there’s no way in hell he’d wait to see me until the damn reunion show.

Try to tell me I’m wrong when message boards are literally on fire about the results of The Bachelor. Shout me down about folks leaning over their cubicles giving Jason the one-two over what he did. Convince me that these dummies don’t want you to be a dummy too.

facing the past

You thought I was going to talk about the shoe throwing incident? Nope. I’ve laughed enough and I’m sure you have too.  Naw, I want to write about newly release photos of  what scientists think Cleopatra actually looked like.

Interesting. She doesn’t look a thing like Elizabeth Taylor. Oh well, Sally Ann Ashton a British Egyptologist created this 3-D composite after years of exhaustive research. From combing through all kinds of ancient artifacts, she concluded that Cleopatra was little browner than what people thought. Wow.

I’ll give props to the effort. The marriage of technology and history can lead to fascinating discoveries. However, next time tell me something I didn’t know.

Here’s the rest of the story:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1095043/The-face-Cleopatra-Scientists-recreate-true-image-legendary-beauty.html?ITO=1490